JUNKe Life

Early morning… daze continuation… Vaults of Erowid
January 19, 2006, 3:16 am
Filed under: Good Stuff

If I can manage to perch on my numb bum a bit longer, I plan to launch into The Vaults of Erowid

Eyes are closing on me, inspite of my best efforts to keep them pinned open. Indeed, ’tis time for bed. For Erowid, I will create a (well deserved) link instead.

Peter McDermott’s Guide to Depressant Drugs  <— a voice of experience sharing his insights.

Later the same day…
January 18, 2006, 9:56 pm
Filed under: JUNKe life

“Oh, jab me with your needle a hundred times And a hundred times I will bless you, Saint Morphine”
– Jules Verne (1828 – 1905)

I have spend several hours today surfing the web through various Favorites sites I’ve accumulated over the past couple years dealing with drugs, drug policy, and the war on drugs. Surfing though Favorites every so often is much like reviewing one’s bookshelf, and scimming through a dusty little paperback one’s forgotten is resting there.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying an evening at home while using opioids with one’s friends. I find it an entirely lovely way to live. The downside has nothing to do with the intrinsic nature of the drug’s injected and everything to do with the prohibitive context within which such drug using is categorized. We could be arrested. The cost of our drugs is extraordinarily inflated due to their illigality. Yet as a pure experience, using drugs creates a very comfortable zone within which one resides.

It galls me to the core that society regards this lovely evening at home with partner and friends as problematic, illegal even. The only risk is a risk to ourselves due to drug adulterants implicit within illicit distribution. We present no threat to anyone.

People chill out at home while sitting in front of their televisions. We chill out at home while sitting and using morphine. Why cannot we obtain our morphine from legitimate medical presciption, thereby removing the danger of developing illicit markets as a societal reality? Surely it is in the interest of all that we could be thusly prescribed. There is no medical reason why we should be prohibited from taking our chosen anti-depressent anxiety reliever.

“That individuals may take morphine or some other opiate for 20 years or more without showing intellectual or moral deterioration is a common experience of physicians”
– Dr Lawrence Kolb, US Assistant Surgeon General, 1925

There was a time when doctors well recognized the benificial and benign properties of opioids. They saw their role as rightly enabling persons with depedencies ready access to pure supplies. They saw no need to restrict dependent persons from continued use. They rightly were concerned with preventing depedencies, but understood that was achieveable with education, rather than incarceration. And for those who progressed to a dependency condition, then they understood it needed to be managed, and that doing so was the desired heath option in such circumstances. Somehow this knowledge has been lost, and is completely turned upside down.

In whose interests is it that opioid drugs are highly restricted within legitimate markets, and rampantly available in unrestrictable illicit markets? Certainly it is not in the public’s interest – both the non-using public and the using public. Some people are getting phenomenal wealth from illicit drug trafficing, and many government agencies now depend upon the existence of the illicit drug trade for their raison-d’etre. Is it too much to say that it is in the interest of of police agencies that opioid drugs are illegal, except in highly restrictive medical situations.

I feel that opioids should be legitimately available to me without my having to suffer from cancer in order for them to be so. I reject the fact that I must be in injury-caused agony in order to qualify for a few milligrams of morphine. I assert my right to seek well being as an active desire, rather than as a reactive response to pain-causing conditions.

“Narcotics have been systematically scapegoated and demonized. The idea that anyone can use drugs and escape a horrible fate is an anathema to these idiots. I predict that in the near future right-wingers will use drug hysteria as a pretext to set up an international police apparatus.”
– William S. Burroughs (1914 – 1997)

Clarity of thought.  I’m already dependent, so I might just extend this evening a little longer with another hit so I can cozy curl up in bed with a good book and nod and nod and nod at time or two…

JUNK … and other crap
January 18, 2006, 9:00 pm
Filed under: JUNKe life

This blog will be used to explore my experiences with opioid drugs.  I’ve been using an opioid of one form or another pretty much daily for the past 15 years.

I will relect upon the current political situation regarding drug using and the “war on drugs”.  I will recollect about incidents of my own using through the years.  I will talk about my current situation.  For example, I just did my third hit of the day – 70mg of morphine which I got from crushing up a pharmaceutical pill and cooked up over the stove in a spoon.  I’ll do one more similar sized hit later tonight.  When I wake up tomorrow morning I’ll be just starting to feel a little uncomfortable as it will be 10 hours or thereabouts since the previous evening’s injection.

So my life at present certainly revolves around my daily cycle of four injections.  On occassions I’ll do one or two more, and more rarely, only three.  Generally its every five to six hours throughout the day.  I don’t shoot up to get high, as I became tolerant to my regular dose months ago when I became dependent again.  I shoot up just so I don’t feel sick, and I shoot up the minimum amount to achieve that wellness.  Sometimes in the evening I’ll do an extra hit, or a bit bigger dose, so that I will get a bit of a buzz on, and find the hours pleasantly float by.  But generally, I just do enough to maintain.

Every so often, I try to cut back a bit.  I’ll reduce the size of each hit, and I might even cut out a hit here and there.  So, for example, if I’ve been using 300mgs of morphine daily for a week, I may try to cut my habit down to 225mgs by only using that much for five days in a row.  I’ll accept the discomfort as the price I have to pay to ensure my habit doesn’t get totally beyond manageable control.

Tolerance is the catch-22 of opioid drugs.  The more one uses, the more one gets used to using more, and what was a lot two weeks ago (enought to get high!) inevitably becomes totally insufficient to even stave off junk-sickness two weeks later.  As such, the more you let yourself enjoy, the more you will inevitably end up having to pay for such indulgence.  And the price you pay today, is but a pittance compared to the price you will pay tomorrow.

Just to escape temporarily the stark reality of such awareness, the junkie may seek to nod out for an evening.  Because we know that is the only possible escape, albeit one of forever accumulating debt.  A debt which looms even greater, every time we nod off to it one more time.

I will do only minimal editing.  I play to do all writing within the blog editor, rather then write elsewhere and copy it here.