Filed under: JUNKe life
This blog will be used to explore my experiences with opioid drugs. I’ve been using an opioid of one form or another pretty much daily for the past 15 years.
I will relect upon the current political situation regarding drug using and the “war on drugs”. I will recollect about incidents of my own using through the years. I will talk about my current situation. For example, I just did my third hit of the day – 70mg of morphine which I got from crushing up a pharmaceutical pill and cooked up over the stove in a spoon. I’ll do one more similar sized hit later tonight. When I wake up tomorrow morning I’ll be just starting to feel a little uncomfortable as it will be 10 hours or thereabouts since the previous evening’s injection.
So my life at present certainly revolves around my daily cycle of four injections. On occassions I’ll do one or two more, and more rarely, only three. Generally its every five to six hours throughout the day. I don’t shoot up to get high, as I became tolerant to my regular dose months ago when I became dependent again. I shoot up just so I don’t feel sick, and I shoot up the minimum amount to achieve that wellness. Sometimes in the evening I’ll do an extra hit, or a bit bigger dose, so that I will get a bit of a buzz on, and find the hours pleasantly float by. But generally, I just do enough to maintain.
Every so often, I try to cut back a bit. I’ll reduce the size of each hit, and I might even cut out a hit here and there. So, for example, if I’ve been using 300mgs of morphine daily for a week, I may try to cut my habit down to 225mgs by only using that much for five days in a row. I’ll accept the discomfort as the price I have to pay to ensure my habit doesn’t get totally beyond manageable control.
Tolerance is the catch-22 of opioid drugs. The more one uses, the more one gets used to using more, and what was a lot two weeks ago (enought to get high!) inevitably becomes totally insufficient to even stave off junk-sickness two weeks later. As such, the more you let yourself enjoy, the more you will inevitably end up having to pay for such indulgence. And the price you pay today, is but a pittance compared to the price you will pay tomorrow.
Just to escape temporarily the stark reality of such awareness, the junkie may seek to nod out for an evening. Because we know that is the only possible escape, albeit one of forever accumulating debt. A debt which looms even greater, every time we nod off to it one more time.
I will do only minimal editing. I play to do all writing within the blog editor, rather then write elsewhere and copy it here.
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