JUNKe Life

Why be a PILLer of the community?
February 14, 2006, 12:15 am
Filed under: JUNKe life

I am a piller. That is to say, I rarely shoot powder. I regularly shoot pills. There’s a few reasons why I’ve chosen to be a piller:

  • cost (i.e. price per unit) – pills are usually a lot cheaper than powder when one measures the bang for the buck. For example, a point of heroin (100mg) normally costs around $20-$35. A 100mg of morphine is usually $15-$25.
  • purity (i.e. quality) – with a street powder the purity fluctuates widely, and there is no such thing as 100% pure. Often you’ll be lucky to find 50% purity. Pills are 100% pure. If you get 100mg morphine pill, you will get 100mg of pure morphine in the pill. On the other hand, a point of heroin at 50% purity means you actually are getting just 50mg of heroin.
  • volume (i.e. quantity)- a point of heroin should be 100mg, or 1/10th of a gram. It is normally .8 of a point. For some reason, there is a “practicing convention” among dealers that the product is packaged a certain amount undersize – always! A gram is .8 of a gram. A quarter-gram, i.e. 250 mg is usually 200mg when weighed. Pills are always exactly what they are supposed to be.

So whether we’re talking quality, quantity, or the combination of the two, powder doesn’t come close to the quality and quantity of the active ingrediant within a pill.


What does this mean in practice? It means a lot of money saved. You can get high, or more importantly, it costs a lot less to maintain a 2 point opiod habit doing pills then doing powder. It also means a lot in terms of safety. You know the exact amount you are shooting when you’re doing a pill, whereas you never know exactly how much heroin you’re doing because of the quality variance. This is what leads to accidental overdose deaths with heroin. You get used to doing a certain eyeballed size hit of lousy heroin and then you score some good heroin and when you do the same eyeballed size hit of the good stuff it is double, or maybe triple, the actually quanity of heroin then your body is familiar with. With pill, you know exactly how much you’re taking. It has to be a intentional overdose when you die from pills because you know that you’re doing way more than your normal dose. Since most users do not want to kill themselves, shooting pills is very safe, whereas shooting heroin is always a risk.

Let’s talk real numbers. I’ve been getting 100mg morphine pills for $8. Doing three per day (300mgs of morphine) costs $24 bucks. If for some reason I couldn’t access the pills anymore and had to substitute heroin I’d be digging into the old wallet (or somebody’s wallet) a whole lot more. Even if the heroin was pure, I’d have to buy three points (a point being 100mg). At $25 bucks a point, I’d be shooting away $75. But then, a point is not a point, it’s .8 of a point. So my three points would actually only be 240mgs of dope. That’s equivalent to half a pill short, or just 2.4 pills worth. Now, add onto this quantity factor, the quality factors. Let’s say the heroin is 60% pure. So I’m just getting 3 pills x .6mgs worth, or 180mgs. But its really not 3 pills because we’ve determined the weight is just .8 for each point. So, in actuality, when factoring in quantity and quality, it is 2.4 x .6 or 144mgs worth of heroin. That is less than half the volume of the 3 pills which are 300mgs.

So I’m used to 300mgs at $24. To buy three points, which in theory should be equivalent dose, I’m paying $75 for 144mgs. I would actually have to buy six points of heroin to approach the actual equal amount of dope; in other words, for $150 of heroin I’d be getting 288mgs of dope.

$24 for pill form morphine gives me the same bang as $150 of street heroin. So I’m safer, healthier, and wealthier being a pillar in a junkie community.

Of course, being a junkie, now that I realize what a great saving I’m making doing pills instead of powder, I figure I deserve a treat. How’s about I do six pills a day – heck that’s only $48 bucks! – and really get a buzz on. I can just kick back, and enjoy a nod, whilst my heroin bretheren are scrambling to find an extra $100 bucks so they can end up only half as high as I am.

Only problem being, when the bottom falls out, I’d much rather be be flopping around with a minor junk habit than be mega-suffering because of a large morph habit. And mega-suffering just because I was feasting on a “good deal”.

Anyhow, its feast time now, so why give a shit about famine times just yet. I just obtained 10.6 grams of dope for $270. If I were to lowball that amount in heroin (lowball = $200 a gram) I would be paying $2120. But that’s the phoney equivalency of a gram weighing a gram and each gram being 100% dope. If I make the heroin purchase realworld, I would have had to get 21 grams of street heroin to equal the actual quantity of real dope in the 10.6 grams of pharmaceutical morphine. In other words, $4120!!!

Ah, its a good life being a piller of the community. At least in terms of the sense I just made of it here.

65 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Hi, I live in France I would like to buy preferably pure morphine in pill form — if you only have it in injectable form I could go for it. I hope this site is kosher. Greetings.

Comment by Mark Fletcher

There’s only one problem with your theory……I do both also and I can tell you right nowthat the high from junk (even in a lessor quantity and quality)is still better then the Morphine. My main stay is MS Contin, 100MG each 3 times a day also, and 4 bags of dope (4 bags out of a bundle) is better I think……much better.

Comment by justin time

So true Justin.

I would choose junk over morphine anyday. If there was a spoon of junk and a spoon of morphine on the table, I’d cook up the junk 100 times outta 100.

The high is way better. Junk is a high, whereas morphine is just a buzz, and well, at least its an opiate.

I suppose to some extent I’m just looking at the silver lining of having a pharmaceutical community. It is safer. It is cheaper.

But yeah, the high is not as good.

O well, we do what we can… LOL

Comment by JUNKe

wow, saving like THAT makes a lot of sense. And I was able to follow along…

Look at that, finishing high school WAS worthwhile after all.

I’ve been a really horribly heavy user, used moderately, and right now for the past year I’m an occasional user, lacking the control 1 or 2 times a month to go out and shell out my paycheck for H. Obviously theres more than one reason they call it junk, b/c half the time I’d get a better rush throwing the stuff off of a cliff.

Anyway, you just saved me alot of money on my dope insurance by switching to Morphine.

If you do ever have time to email me, please do- I just have a few questions I’m curious about.



Comment by Holland

I am prescribed 140 ml of tincture of opium each month for digestion issues. This leaves about 20 ml to play with beyond the needed doses. Each ml has 10mg of morphine in it. Does anyone know what I could do to make the high more fun? I mainlined 2 ml of tincture and that feels good.

I’d really like to make it snortable of it could be worth the effort. I used to snort heroin and loved the feeling of puking without feeling it in my stomach muscles. It felt “cleansing” in a way.

I tried microwaving it dry and scraping it up for snorting but the tincture is still gooey and not that good. To make it worse they “deodorize” the pharmaceutical and it removes the puking reaction.

Unfortunately I moved here from NY 8 years ago and do not have any street connections–plus my accountant wife is quick to notice extra spending. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Loose Lips :o)

PS – does anyone know if that legal bud that looks like the real deal is any good? If you do, please tell me about it.

Comment by More loose lips

I am prescribed 140 ml of tincture of opium each month for digestion issues. This leaves about 20 ml to play with beyond the needed doses. Each ml has 10mg of morphine in it. Does anyone know what I could do to make the high more fun? I mainlined 2 ml of tincture and that feels good.

I’d really like to make it snortable if it could be worth the effort. I used to snort heroin and loved the feeling of puking without feeling it in my stomach muscles. It felt “cleansing” in a way.

I tried microwaving it dry and scraping it up for snorting but the tincture is still gooey and not that good. To make it worse they “deodorize” the pharmaceutical and it removes the puking reaction.

Unfortunately I moved here from NY 8 years ago and do not have any street connections–plus my accountant wife is quick to notice extra spending. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. –I’m assuming that creating a rock is impossible

Loosest of the Loose Lips 🙂

PS – does anyone know if that legal bud that looks like the real deal is any good? If you do, please tell me about it.

Comment by Name Changed to Protect Loose Lips

newbie question – why would anyone want to puke ?

I’ve recently been offered 100mg morphine & was wondering about this subject myself – thanks for the honest & frank discussion

Comment by backdoorman

Hey Otto

I’ve never even seen tincture of opium so unfortunately I don’t have any experiential advice to offer you.

Similarly, I know nothing about the so-called legal bud – the fake pot. However, I’ve heard it is a scam and waste of money.

As for newbie’s question about puking. Often, when a person is new to opiates, they get somewhat sick or nauseous to their stomach from the first few doses. Puking immediately relieves that. And it is a funny kind of puking because it feels good, and really isn’t disturbing at all.

However, once one has used a few times, that symptom soon goes away. I remember puking the first time I really did a good hit of heroin, but I haven’t puked in all the years since.

100mg of morphine is a very large dose for someone who isn’t used to using morphine. In fact, 10mg is sufficient to really feel the effects if one is using for the first time. And 100mg would be way too much, in fact, it could be near an overdose amount.

Opiates have a property called “tolerance”. This means that one fairly quickly gets uses to the dose they are doing, and needs a bigger dose to feel the same results. So, a first time user would feel very effected by a small ten mg dose. Whereas a dependent user would not even feel ten mgs.

So, if you have a 100mg pill, you should take off the coating (if it is gray in colour) by sucking on it like an M ‘n M for a minutes, and then wiping off the coating with a kleenex. Then you should crush it up into a powder. Then take 1/10 of the powder and prepare it according to the method explained here

Comment by JUNKe

yo there is alot of misinformation in this post….
first of all, just because bags cost $20 where u live for a short-point doesnt mean thats the case everywhere…even here in ATLANTA, GA USA where heroin is KNOWN to be expensive i regularly have scored .4 chunks for $40-$50 as well as .1 bags for $10(although a bit rarer however consider the small amount in a transaction of just one bag).

also you cannot just say that u would need #3 100mg bags of heroin to equal the three 100mg morphine pills because first of all HEROIN IS THREE TIMES MORE POTENT IDIOT. heroin is just diamorphine(aceytalated with AA)…

also shooting pills is widely considered to be more hazardous than street heroin since most morphine pills are extended release and contain waxes which are to help prevent IV use/abuse.

no way morphine is cheaper also the speed at which heroin crosses the BBB(blood brain barrier) help produce a more intoxicating effect something morphine cannot chemically achieve.

Comment by ktx49

Yo ktx49. Why the abusive personal tone?

Nonetheless, I hear ya. It’s good to hear from an authentic voice of experience.

With regard to hazards: there are hazards and then there are !!!hAzArDs!!! When a strong batch of heroin hits the streets, people start dropping like flies. You are familiar with that unfortunate reality, correct? Public Warnings are given – “Watch out for strong batch of killer heroin!” – by community agencies, user groups, sometimes even the police. And still our deaths pile up untill warnings are heeded and/or dealers re-cut their stuff.

On the other hand, when was the last time you heard of a public announcement warning us to “Watch out for the unusually strong batch of morphine”? Never, correct? That is the sort of hazard I’m referring to when I suggest that being a piller is generally safer.

As for extended release properties, you assume they are hazardous; even intentionally so to prevent IV abuse. But do you actually know that to be true? There is no “wax” (as contin gunk is often called) in contins. If you want to check into the actual make up of MSContins, these are its listed inactive ingredients: cetostearyl alcohol, hydroxyethyl cellulose, hypromellose, magnesium stearate, polyethylene glycol, talc, lactose, polysorbate 80, titanium dioxide and some colour additive such as FD&C Blue No. 2 or black iron oxide.

I have spoken with physicians who’ve said such additives are essentially benign. Whereas the same certainly can not be said for the adulterants in what is too often passed off as “good junk” these days.

Regarding relative strength equivalency: yes, heroin is 3 to 4 times more powerful. Why golly gosh gee, even an idiot knows that. However, that vaunted ratio is completely theoretical when it comes to our reality because it is based on pharmaceutically pure equivalences. Street junk is never pharmaceutically pure (i.e. a point is never truly a tenth of a gram of 100% heroin) whereas morphine is alway the actual labelled dosage (100 mg is 100 mg of 100% pharmaceutical morphine). So, it is that reality regarding purity of doses that needs to be factored in when considering relative equivalencies or else we’re just talking out of books.

And finally, it would be rude if I didn’t not thank you so much for the informative lesson in pharmacokinetics. Silly me, I must have been nodding off in my pharmacology class. No wonder I’ve always assumed the BBB was a beta blocking bulldozer. Well, now I know different, eh?

btw, did you catch my earlier comment above?

[junk is better… way better] So true. I would choose junk over morphine anyday. If there was a spoon of junk and a spoon of morphine on the table, I’d cook up the junk 100 times outta 100.

The high is way better. Junk is a high, whereas morphine is just a buzz, and well, at least its an opiate.

I suppose to some extent I’m just looking at the silver lining of having a pharmaceutical community. It is safer. It is cheaper.

Well, it’s been a rush! I’d love to tit-for-tat more, but I gotta run.

Comment by JUNKe

hey….ktx49… or ne one I live in Georgia..

what s the best way to go about finding stuff on the streets?


i moved down here 2 yrs ago and have been sober since!!!!

Comment by poocs

“I am your nurse… and you are my hospital.”
Raymond Stolp, 2003

See Ray’s greatest live performance here:

Comment by Raymond Stolp

How pure is avinza with regards to morphine? Is it straight to cook and shoot, or are their additives which make it unsafe? I’ve snorted (very painfully) 320 mg in an hour, but was disappointed with its lack of intensity. Any suggestions?

Props to you in the handling of the asshole from GA:)

Comment by TodDriven To Pills

Where can I buy MS Contin or Oxi? I’ve tried different sites on the web but most prices are extremely high, and not sure who and which ones to trust or go through.

Any suggestions anyone?

ps. This blog is very informative and it seems like it’s coming from someone that knows his stuff.

Comment by Cndrfreaknrlla

who can tell me more about murphine pill 15 the blue pill because I take it and I like it and I need some more please send me some information about it
thank you.

Comment by Erika

you’re somewhat manipulating the math to make it show what you want, that ms contin is a better value than heroin (for you, in your location and with your dealers it may be, but not always for everyone – $25 a point is certainly above average, more than double average price)

bigger factor – you’re talking about how you get a mg of this or an mg or that-
well you’re not making any mention that heroin is more potent mg for mg than morphine, by most accounts 2-3 times more potent. don’t forget to factor that into your rigged math.

I don’t mean to be a dick at all. I’m just a nitpicker and a former junk addict myself. All that really matters is that you shoot safely, and if you ever want to give it up, best of luck in doing so. Peace.

Comment by JD

Okay, so I want to take morphine for the first time. I have a gray MS Contin 100 mg Extended Release tab. Gray with a M on one side and a 100 on the other. I am NOT injecting this. lol just somehow can’t bring myself to do it. The internet swears not to break them or anything. I have done X a few times and regularly smoke weed (two ounces a month). Can I just take this 100 mg pill or am I going to OD? Please respond! thx guys!

Comment by Janessa

Morphine 100mg is fine to take. I started off taking 1/2 though. I’d 4 sure recommend that! Iam a Certified Medical Assistant.

Comment by Lil D note

I appreciate your comments JD about cost and potency. However, at the prices I get heroin or morphine, $350 of heroin will last me about 4 days whereas $350 of morphine will last about double that. Yes, they have different buzz, but basically 100mg morphine is basically equivalent in potency to 1 point heroin. All things considered, I’d much perfer heroin – of course!

Janessa asking about taking 100mg morphine the first time. NO WAY! 1/10 of that amount is sufficient for the first time. 10mg not 100gm. There is no problem breaking up a 100mg pill. You can cut it in half. Then cut each half in half. Now cut each of those in half. In other words, 8 little chunks equalling about 12.5mg each. That is sufficient for first time. You could OD if you took a whole 100mg. Read up on “tolerance” and you will understand why a dose for an experienced user is way too much for an unexperienced user.

Comment by opiated

HEY POOCS , why in the world after being clean for 2 years would you ever want to go back to hell of a life, that you have on drugs. I would give anything to be drug free but I have had several surgeries on my jaw and back that make it impossible to live with the pain. Yes I have abused my drugs, had been in detox a few times over the years but at the end of the day I still need something for pain. Things get out of control, I get off for sometimes a few years but I always end up back on. I am on morphine right now and wish i knew how much is to much. I am taking about 8 x 25 mg tables of morphine a day. Is that to much everythin i have ever been on has been prescribed for me by a doctor, you would think that it should make a difference as far as getting yourself hooked , NOT!! I am a person who has always gotten addicted to what ever has been perscribed for me. Yes I have been lucky I have not had to hit the streets for my drugs. You can be living in a beautiful home but feel like you are on the streets honest to God!! Right now is a horrible time, I don’t know when anything is ever going to get better for me anymore. I guess it makes me very sad that someone who does not have chronic pain would choose this life but then again its almost like it chooses us, hey. I judge no one for what has happened or happens in their life and I wish all of you in here many blessings to come.
Maybe I will come back again to talk for I do not have anyone I can talk to about the addiction part of this!!

Comment by Lannie

Lannie – you say “but at the end of the day I still need something for pain”. That is so true for so many people. And all of you should get whatever amount of pain relief you feel is necessary. You should not have to scramble on the streets for extra because your doctor isn’t giving you enough. You already have the pain to deal with, and you shouldn’t have the added burden of having to struggle to find extra relief. If only doctors would prescribe what people need they would make life so much easier for so many people.

It’s sad to see you feeling such anguish about being addicted when you are simply taking a medicine which your require and which you’re being prescribed. Certainly 8×25 or 200mgs daily doesn’t seem like too much to me. Heck, there’s many times I do that much in one shot several times a day. I just get out the trusty old 3mg syringe and fill it up with the cook from a couple MS Contin greys. And I might do that four times a day. So what you’re on really doesn’t seem like too much. I just hope it is helping you with the pain which keeps bringing you back to opiates in the first place.

Comment by Opiated

Yep, I agree whith why JUNKe says pills are safer, cause you know what youre getting, pretty much every time. And its coming from a pharmacy,(hopefully), who knows where that horse is coming from. Although, (and im sure most of you pillers know this) they are making certain pills to where an opiate addict would not be able to dilute em and shoot em.

….but where there’s a will, there’s a way, right?

Comment by CALIO13

I have 15mg MS Contin and have tried just about everything to use them recreationally (except iv I can’t stand needles) can you give me any advice? I have a really high tolerance, I usually take 8 5/500mg vicodin to get even a little buzzed.

Comment by LittleMissSunshine

I wanna know where I can get 100mg morphine for $8! thats a deal i cant find here….it’s more like $50-$60 =( rediculous. and dope GOOD dope would be MUCH better.

Comment by unknown

Yeah, $8 is pretty good price for 100mg MS Contin. In fact the normal price is 2 for $25, and that’s a standard that one finds pretty much all across Canada. $15 or $20 for a single.

But there was a time when we used to pay $70 a piece back about 15 years ago. Only good thing about that high price is it really keeps the size of your habit down. Other than that, it is highway robbery. The price stabilized around $40 for a couple years, or $35 if lucky. But its been 2 for $25 pretty much everywhere for the past decade. The best price I ever had was $4 each, when buying by the 100. Alas that didn’t last too long because the guy got busted, along with his prescribing physician, for dealing and fraudulent prescriptions. Believe it or not, the doctor was writing the guy a script for 180 100mg pills per day! Yet, 180 pills per day. He was supposedly taking 60 every 8 hours.

Comment by opiated

i never herd a bunch of idiots like you guys, first herion 10 dollars a bag 80 a bundle you have to have a tolarance or youll be puking your brains out and itching like crazy as of shooting pills thats more dangerous then herion i know one idiot who tried to shoot percocet the actephetamine killed him

Comment by lori dean

anybody know how to properly shoot a 30milliagram roxy?

Comment by billy bob

guys you all would be better off spending a few months growing poppies and producing your own pure opium, morphine, or heroin. the shit is really simple and anyone can do it.

Comment by manny

I just found some crazy comments I made on here when I was heavily medicated and not myself. I had a serious medical problem that required surgeries and drugs that were so strong that my thinking was seriously hindered for a couple years. Half of what I wrote is some crazy made up, medicine-induced fantasy, and I would not have said such things had I been myself. 3 years later I google my name and this embarrassing rant is on top of the list! Is there a way I can get my previous comments removed or at least make my name less exact on those entries? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, Otto

Comment by I hear ya bro

This place is gross! How can anyone continue indefinitely living in a sickened state where nothing ever feels settled or right? I left that life behind in 1991 and it’s been good ever since. All that stuff–especially opiates or coke leads only to misery. I do not remember writing because I was on an anticholinergenic that clouded (and erased parts of) my mind. I can only speculate I was busting balls in what I thought was an obscure corner of the web. Seriously, though, it’s not worth it. I know any practicing addict has a “hole in their soul” that seems to never stay full. I also know that people in that state do not really believe it is possible to leave that emptiness behind–but it is. It really is and I honestly do not think about using anymore. When a thought does cross my mind I automatically “think it through” and ask if I really want that sort of result in my life–Not! I was in the grip, as a teen, for 7 years. Even addicts can get better and actually learn how to feel, really feel!, content. Have a nice day 🙂 Believe it or not you deserve it.

Comment by Just tryin to help

Drugs = prison (as in a personal prison)

Comment by jail a revolutionary but not the revolution

Different drugs have different effects. Some, such as cocaine or methamphetamine, may produce an intense “rush” and initial feelings of boundless energy. Others, such as heroin, benzodiazepines or the prescription oxycontin, may produce excessive feelings of relaxation and calm. What most drugs have in common, though, is overstimulation of the pleasure center of the brain. With time, the brain’s chemistry is actually altered to the point where not having the drug becomes extremely uncomfortable and even painful. This compelling urge to use, addiction, becomes more and more powerful, disrupting work, relationships, and health.

Comment by Otto

Some want to believe that there is something natural about using opiates to feel “okay.” I don’t even see how anyone can think that makes any real sense.

Comment by natural as eating

Am I an Addict?
This is NA Fellowship-approved literature.
Copyright © 1983, 1988 by
Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
All rights reserved.
Only you can answer this question.
This may not be an easy thing to do. All through our usage, we told ourselves, “I can handle
it.” Even if this was true in the beginning, it is not so now. The drugs handled us. We lived to
use and used to live. Very simply, an addict is a person whose life is controlled by drugs.
Perhaps you admit you have a problem with drugs, but you don’t consider yourself an addict.
All of us have preconceived ideas about what an addict is. There is nothing shameful about being
an addict once you begin to take positive action. If you can identify with our problems, you may
be able to identify with our solution. The following questions were written by recovering addicts
in Narcotics Anonymous. If you have doubts about whether or not you’re an addict, take a few
moments to read the questions below and answer them as honestly as you can.
1. Do you ever use alone? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
2. Have you ever substituted one drug for another, thinking that
one particular drug was the problem? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
3. Have you ever manipulated or lied to a doctor
to obtain prescription drugs? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
4. Have you ever stolen drugs or stolen to obtain drugs? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
5. Do you regularly use a drug when you wake up or when you go to bed? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
6. Have you ever taken one drug to overcome the effects of another? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
7. Do you avoid people or places that do not approve of you using drugs? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
8. Have you ever used a drug without knowing what it was􀀃
or what it would do to you? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
9. Has your job or school performance ever suffered
from the effects of your drug use? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
10. Have you ever been arrested as a result of using drugs? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
11. Have you ever lied about what or how much you use? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
12. Do you put the purchase of drugs ahead of
your financial responsibilities? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
13. Have you ever tried to stop or control your using? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
14. Have you ever been in a jail, hospital,
or drug rehabilitation center because of your using? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
15. Does using interfere with your sleeping or eating? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
16. Does the thought of running out of drugs terrify you? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
17. Do you feel it is impossible for you to live without drugs? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
18. Do you ever question your own sanity? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
19. Is your drug use making life at home unhappy? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
20. Have you ever thought you couldn’t fit in or have a good time
without drugs? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
21. Have you ever felt defensive, guilty, or ashamed about your using? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
22. Do you think a lot about drugs? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
23. Have you had irrational or indefinable fears? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
24. Has using affected your sexual relationships? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
25. Have you ever taken drugs you didn’t prefer? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
26. Have you ever used drugs because of emotional pain or stress? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
27. Have you ever overdosed on any drugs? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
28. Do you continue to use despite negative consequences? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
29. Do you think you might have a drug problem? Yes 􀁔 No 􀁔
“Am I an addict?” This is a question only you can answer. We found that we all answered
different numbers of these questions “Yes.” The actual number of “Yes” responses wasn’t as
important as how we felt inside and how addiction had affected our lives.
Some of these questions don’t even mention drugs. This is because addiction is an insidious
disease that affects all areas of our lives—even those areas which seem at first to have little to do
with drugs. The different drugs we used were not as important as why we used them and what
they did to us.
When we first read these questions, it was frightening for us to think we might be addicts.
Some of us tried to dismiss these thoughts by saying:
“Oh, those questions don’t make sense;”
“I’m different. I know I take drugs, but I’m not an addict. I have real emotional/family/job
“I’m just having a tough time getting it together right now;”
“I’ll be able to stop when I find the right person/get the right job, etc.”
If you are an addict, you must first admit that you have a problem with drugs before any
progress can be made toward recovery. These questions, when honestly approached, may help
to show you how using drugs has made your life unmanageable. Addiction is a disease which,
without recovery, ends in jails, institutions, and death. Many of us came to Narcotics
Anonymous because drugs had stopped doing what we needed them to do. Addiction takes
our pride, self-esteem, family, loved ones, and even our desire to live. If you have not reached
this point in your addiction, you don’t have to. We have found that our own private hell was
within us. If you want help, you can find it in the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous.
“We were searching for an answer when we reached out and found Narcotics Anonymous.
We came to our first NA meeting in defeat and didn’t know what to expect. After sitting in a
meeting, or several meetings, we began to feel that people cared and were willing to help.
Although our minds told us that we would never make it, the people in the fellowship gave us
hope by insisting that we could recover. […] Surrounded by fellow addicts, we realized that we
were not alone anymore. Recovery is what happens in our meetings. Our lives are at stake. We
found that by putting recovery first, the program works. We faced three disturbing realizations:
1. We are powerless over addiction and our lives are unmanageable;
2. Although we are not responsible for our disease, we are responsible for our recovery;
3. We can no longer blame people, places, and things for our addiction. We must face our
problems and our feelings.
The ultimate weapon for recovery is the recovering addict.”

Comment by this message is 12 step approved... ditto dat brigade... LOL

Both new and experienced users risk overdosing on heroin because it is impossible for them to know the purity of the heroin they are using. (Heroin sold on the street often is mixed with other substances such as sugar, starch, or quinine. An added risk results when heroin is mixed with poisons such as strychnine.) Heroin overdoses–which can result whether the drug is snorted, smoked, or injected–can cause slow and shallow breathing, convulsions, coma, and even death.

All heroin users–not just those who inject the drug–risk becoming addicted. Individuals who abuse heroin over time develop a tolerance for the drug, meaning that they must use increasingly larger doses to achieve the same intensity or effect they experienced when they first began using the drug. Heroin ceases to produce feelings of pleasure in users who develop tolerance; instead, these users must continue taking the drug simply to feel normal. Addicted individuals who stop using the drug may experience withdrawal symptoms, which include heroin craving, restlessness, muscle and bone pain, and vomiting.

Heroin users who inject the drug expose themselves to additional risks, including contracting human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), hepatitis B and C, and other blood-borne viruses. Chronic users who inject heroin also risk scarred or collapsed veins, infection of the heart lining and valves, abscesses, pneumonia, tuberculosis, and liver and kidney disease.

Comment by Otto


Years ago, thoughts of using a needle kept many potential heroin users at bay. Not anymore. Today’s heroin is so pure, users can smoke it or snort it, causing more kids under 18 to use it. Kids who snort or smoke heroin face the same high risk of overdose and death that haunts intravenous users. Yet according to the annual Monitoring the Future national poll, more than 40% of high school seniors do not believe that there is a great risk in trying heroin.

Recent studies suggest a shift from injecting to snorting or smoking heroin because of increased purity and the misconception that these forms of use will not lead to addiction.

Heroin is processed from morphine, a naturally occurring substance extracted from the seed-pod of the Asian poppy plant. Heroin usually appears as a white or brown powder. Street names associated with heroin include “smack,” “H,” “skag,” and “junk.” Other names may refer to types of heroin produced in a specific geographical area, such as “Mexican black tar.”

The short-term effects of heroin abuse appear soon after a single dose and disappear in a few hours. After an injection of heroin, the user reports feeling a surge of euphoria (“rush”) accompanied by a warm flushing of the skin, a dry mouth, and heavy extremities. Following this initial euphoria, the user goes “on the nod,” an alternately wakeful and drowsy state. Mental functioning becomes clouded due to the depression of the central nervous system.

Reports from the Drug Abuse Warning Networks (DAWN) Annual Medical Examiner Data from 1997 show that heroin/morphine was the top-ranking drug among drug-related deaths in 14 US major metro areas. It ranked second in another eight.

According to DAWNs Year End 1998 Emergency Department Data, 14 percent of all emergency department drug-related episodes had mentions of heroin/morphine in 1998. From 1991-1996, the number of heroin/morphine mentions more than doubled.

Health Hazards

Irreversible effects. Heroin abuse is associated with serious health conditions, including fatal overdose, spontaneous abortion, collapsed veins, and infectious diseases, including HIV/AIDS and hepatitis.

Long-term effects. Long-term effects of heroin include collapsed veins, infection of the heart lining and valves, abscesses, cellulitis, and liver disease. Pulmonary complications, including various types of pneumonia, may result from the poor health condition of the abuser, as well as from heroin’s depressing effects on respiration.

Infection. In addition to the effects of the drug itself, street heroin may have additives that do not readily dissolve and result in clogging the blood vessels that lead to the lungs, liver, kidneys, or brain. This can cause infection or even death of small patches of cells in vital organs.

Comment by When will it end?

Please consider using the addiction 12-step program

There are an abundance of web sites and books written about the addiction programs, and we’ll share a few of them with you to give you a broader base of understanding and point you to a few excellence resources. The 12-Step program is steeped in tradition and firmly supported by spiritual truth, give us all a model of humanity that points us to a better life, a stronger relationship with our neighbors, and an eternal loving relationship with the one who made us.

As you look through the The 12 Steps 12-Step program, think of them as a process. Like a path you walk on to go from A to Z, only you must take all of the steps and go through each in order, otherwise the path does not lead to your final destination. You go at your own pace and move forward as you see fit. Along the way, remember that these steps were written by people just like you, who needed help and had the courage to accept the help. Regardless of your addiction, 12-Step offers improvement for the human condition.Enjoy your reading. Maybe you like Rev. Buchman and Bill Wilson will go through a spiritual experience of your own. If you do, please share it with us.

Comment by Oh Please no, not 12 step!

The 12-Step Program

Please review each step and try to either begin following them yourself or enroll in a local program. Let’s take a look at the steps. You will see quickly that the process includes others and that we are not meant to go through this alone.

These 12-Steps were written for alcoholics. When you see alcohol, insert your drug of choice.

Step One:

We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol–that our lives had become unmanageable.

Step Two:

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step Three:

Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand Him.

Step Four:

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Step Five:

Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step Six:

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Step Seven:

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Step Eight:

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step Nine:

Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Step Ten:

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

Step Eleven:

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Step Twelve:

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts and to practice these principles in our affairs.

Comment by I can't help myself

I am glad that I am no longer heavily medicated. It’s like living in a plastic bag. Everything distorted, distant, difficult. It’s much easier to be clear and healthy.

Comment by Spoken like a true speed freak...

Just remember, God didn’t put you here to go about life in a stunted, half-grown and aware manner. What would be the point?

Comment by I'm a believer... you better believe it

I would not want to be a druggie. It’s an awful way to live. Evaporating a tincture and trying to sniff it sounds like nasty business and how unpleasant to feel so out-of-touch with the rest of the world. BTW, I had drunk the tincture undiluted and mistakenly called that mainlining; I would never do what that term actually refers to–no thank you. I must sound like a bit of a tool. Besides tinctures are alcoholic and I imagine they would burn–that’s why they say to drink it in water. The anesthesia had unleashed a mountain of repressed feelings and the ex-addict felt drawn toward the release that once provided comfort and started to play with fire. Fortunately he stopped short of using illegal drugs and of telling his family any lies. He could have been more forthright but the bottom line is that when facing his darkest time he caught himself. It was too close but at least he saw it and shook himself into consciousness. That could have been much worse. If I have a major surgery again I will be much more prepared to deal with the pain that surfaces when the door to my subconscious is pried open by the medicine they use to put one under.

Comment by Oh mother, could this really be the end?

How can I reach the owner or moderator of this blog? I posted something 2 years ago that is likely to harm me. Can I get a comment removed that I never would have posted had I not been messed up on medicine for a life-threatening condition? I has ulcerative colititis that was not responding to medicine and had to have my whole large intestine removed. Please help me if you can or at least please let me know if that isn’t going to happen. Thank you.

OPIATED sez: Remember folks, you are not compelled to use your real name, a real abbreviation thereof, or anything that bares the barest resemblance to your real identification. This includes your email. Don’t say stuff you wouldn’t want your local big bro or your prescribing doc to read… or your curious, cautious sweetie pie.

Comment by Loose Lips

Does anyone know how I can inquire about getting my comments removed? I wouldn’t have been so foolish had I not been in a medicated stupor that was really necessary at the time. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Comment by Otto

Opiated, thanks for everything! I really appreciate the help. Otto

Comment by Otto

Lannie, It sounds to me like you may need to choose dependency or pain, and I don’t think pain that really isn’t manageable can be allowed to persist. That said, there are different levels of addiction in my opinion.

If you choose pain relief through opiates (as I likely would) then the addictive drug will hook you–you will feel very uncomfortable without it. However, if you are level headed and have managed to avoid depression, then you are not an “addictive personality” and may be able to manage it.

I was drugged for IBD for a prolonged period and sometimes the foreigness of it gets unbearable (like trying salvia and then interacting with your family while trying to act natural). Now and then just deal with the page, get a clear head, and then just get dull again when needed.

The main thing is to maintain your priorities. If you are mentally and emotionally healthy enough to do that then you may be okay anyway. This is opinion only. It is based on my experiences as a self-loathing drug addict, subsequent 12-step and counseling work “inductee”, and later on an existence as a cultavator of sorts who has a moderate view. I think controlled usage can be parts of one’s lifestyle if they have their head together and are careful about what they tell themselves. 🙂

Comment by Carl

Oops, I meant pain, not page & part not parts.

Comment by Carl

Opiated… I tried you at gmail with no luck. Can I get entries 5 and 6 removed or at least get the name “xxXxxXXXxx” off of them? The posts are at: https://opiated.wordpress.com/2006/02/14/why-be-a-piller-of-the-community/ I am really worried. I don’t have much but I can pay to remove them if it would help. Please let me know something if you can. Thanks.

Comment from Opiated: Pay? Hmmmmm? Nope, I won’t sell out. I’ll continue to merely try to do things from the goodness of my over-opiated heart. Peace, man.

Comment by Otto

Hey friend,
You should think a little more clearly about the way you run your life… I say your post should be left there and you shouldn’t run from your past…. You may find yourself regreting what you once held dear to you (like how my own previously drug addicted father feels about me) but you need to keep in mind that the things you once held dear shouldn’t be hidden or swept under the rug just because you grew up…… Either way good luck to you.

Comment by Cat. E. L.

Thanks so much Cat. Yes I’ve made mistakes. Yes I talked openly of them while I was wasted on 16 medications designed to stop my body (with no luck) from rejecting its own large intestine. Maybe I deserve to be embarrassed; maybe you think I should even be ashamed of the mess I used to be. But my children should not be alienated by the parents of other children because their Dad was a mess growing up. Even I deserve a second chance and they should not be harmed at all. I’m not interested in forgetting my past but I would like a chance to fix mistakes and move forward. I don’t understand why anyone should think my poor former choices should warrant a life of continued fear. BTW, thanks for re-asserting my last name, adding to the strength of my search result, and causing further harm to people who have no ill-will toward you.

Comment by Otto

I can’t believe how dense I can be when distracted–I didn’t actually get this at first. For what it’s worth I tried to give you a stable home environment the very best I could and wish your upbringing had been as nurturing and stable as it should have been. Believe it or not I tried. Even when I elected to keep you with family, instead of using the system, I was still thinking of you. At least there, I figured you would be physically safe and somewhat protected. It keeps me slightly entangled with those I’d prefer not to be but that’s not important. I know you are a good person whose had alot of crap piled on top of them. No matter what is going on that good person is in there. It is my belief that you are a survivor like myself and that if not already, then at some point, that inner you will prevail and suceed (whatever that means to you). I know this probably doesn’t sound overly sincere but I wouldn’t bother saying it if it was not true, I love you and I hope you are, or will be, happy. Take care of yourself.

Comment by Otto


It’s worth ALOT more than you probably think I’d be willing to see it as, I know things were screwed up, and you did what you could. I know there are regrets now, and that maybe if you could go back you’d change some things. But we don’t live in fantacy, and some prefered solutions are unrealistic. The choices you made as far as you know, we’re the best you could make. We may never know if they were or not. I held a grudge for a long time, I hated you for it, I didn’t understand. I still don’t understand it all, or remember it all, but I know you ment me no harm. I love you and I took what happened as an attack more than anything. I want more than anything to talk things out…. maybe you aren’t ready. But I worry about something happening and never seeing you again. When you got cancer, I got scared. I didn’t know if you were going to live, how serious it was.

I’m sorry about the bold full name thing, I wasn’t thinking of the internet affect, I didn’t know how often you checked the site and I was worried about you missing it.

In responce to the first letter, I don’t think you should be embarrased or ashamed, it’s in you past. What I ment by my letter is you shouldn’t have to hide it because it’s not a big deal anymore. You shouldn’t hide but, people should be more accepting. You did some stuff you regret now, 20 YEARS AGO. I think the idea of someone holding that against you now is insane. Again I recognise that this isn’t a fantacy world but still is it too much for people to accept that all humans make their mistakes and noone should expect you to have always been a saint? You aren’t that person anymore, and you have moved forward. Yes you have some loose ends with the family but in time hopeful thing will be resolved or heal. Those loose ends are not something to be troubled about, It’s not a crime to dissagree with people.Things suck and I would urge you to right things with family but, I know than there is a certain state of mind everyone involved would need to be in. I’m not going to lie, alot of the family is still upset but, you are greatly missed by all. I’m not upset with you personaly anymore, It’s because we have, over the years, talked a bit on the subjects.

You once said that I needed to mature mentaly before you’d be willing to work things out, I took it hard, but now I see things if not clearly then clearer. I want you to be a part of my life. I want to workout the issues. I understand that things will have to be different, and that I can’t join your family, but I want you to know me. I want you to know what my life is. and I want to know yours. You are still my father and I don’t see that as a bond that can be pushed aside anymore. I’m asking for a 2nd chance. I understand you might not be ready for this and you may be skeptical, but I think you can tell that I’m different now too.

I love you,

P. S. I ask that you atleast respond if you aren’t ready. And I want you to know, My letter was written the way it was “You may find yourself regreting what you once held dear to you (like how my own previously drug addicted father feels about me)” so that you’d recognise me and respon if you wanted, not as an attack or anything like that. I hope you aren’t upset.

Comment by Cat E. L.

I just saw your response. You sound awfully accepting and level-headed about things and I would be lying if I said I was completely unskeptical. I am in the middle of something I need to pay attention to but intend to write you a more proper response. I just wanted to acknowledge your communication for now. thank you, Otto

Comment by Otto

I’d be willing to write you further if there is a need but realistically I don’t think things can proceed much further at this time. The people up there matter to me but so much trust has been broken (from my standpoint) that it does not feel like there is much of a personal connection left. It’s not that I don’t want there to be one–I just don’t feel like things could be less than very “guarded” at this time. I’m sorry if that is not the answer you hoped for but I only mean to be honest and forthright. Take care, Otto

Comment by Otto

Good discussion you two are having. I hope you can continue it.

Friend, you know you can control how you sign your posts? Just a thought. Surely you don’t need to actually put your real name, as in “Take care, XXXXX”. At this point no doubt Cat would know who you are. Beside that, you could change how your comments are auto-identified, so that it doesn’t say “Comment by XXXXXXXX”. Just go into your WordPress settings, and select a different name for your comments and posts to be identified as. If you do those two simple things – 1. control yourself, and 2. change wordpress settings – then you won’t have to worry about self-sabotaging yourself when you run off a bit too much at the mouth in retrospect.

Comment by opiAted

At this point I feel you are looping me in as a project to make things better with the whole family, this is not the case, I wish to be involved in your life. Yes, it would be nice if the whole family could get back into contact but that is a project and this is not disneyland. I love you and wish to have you back in my life!

Having said that, I need to make this clear to you, I fell you are running away in a sence. Everytime I try to contact you you give me a reason why I can’t know my own father, I feel that’s very wrong of you. I try to be patient with you and hope you give me a chance but you shouldn’t need to be told that this should not be this way. You have made a point to shove me under the rug and I can not believe you care as much as you say when this is the length I have to go to contact you and you are still oppisitional. I believe you care and that you love me, just not as much as you used to. It’s like why did you fight for custody for 4 years if you were going to give up a few years later? I DO understand that there are other factors and I KNOW I can’t be a part of you family, I really don’t want to either. I would go as far as to say I dislike your wife as much as she does me. But you are my father and you seem to have dulled down that connection. I think you might be scared to make me a real part of your life, afraid of it turning your life inside out but as I said before I’m willing to jump through hoops to make things work I don’t want your number, I’d never call the house, I know how difficult it would be for you to come see me too often(I’d assume less than yearly), I figure most contact for now would have to be done through email, if not all. I’m not asking you to call everyone in the family and involve them in this. As far as I’m concerned, This is between you and me.

Even though I do urge you to reconcider this, I’d like to know what you mean by “Need”. What would you concider a good reason to contact you? Do you want to know if I have a severe medical issue that may kill me? Do you want to know if I’m to be married, or if you are going to be a grandpa? Would you want to know if there are any deaths in the family?
I would like to know why you don’t want to have a relationship with me. I know it’s a loaded question but I feel I deserve the full answer even if it will upset me.

Comment by Cat E L

I may have been unclear. When I said I do love you I was referring to the beautiful conscience-driven person that most of us have buried in there somewhere. I wish things had been different but frankly I do not know the current you at all. This means I have no way of knowing your intent–no matter what is said. I’m not trying to be difficult–I’m just being direct. While I care about you as a person and think you had a tough start, I really do not know who you are, whether you are dangerous or friendly, or what you are about. I don’t like to say it but we are strangers. I really wish you well. Sincerely, O tto

Comment by Ot to


Comment by danni

Before the 12 steppers got on here and the heartfelts I was actually enjoying reading some facts about opiates. Now, some time back there was a question as to how to enjoy 15mg. morphine blue pills. I have the same script with the same dillema, no needles. Any suggestions? and yes I have a tolerance one recreational dose would be 7(Norco 10/325’s)at one sitting since I get two large scripts of those twice a month as well. Even after crushing I just cant seem to get any euphoria out of the 15mg morphine extended release. Thanks

Comment by deviant1

Grow weed instead. It’s fun.

Comment by Dave

just wonderin’ if the bioavailability of morphine is so low that it would be impossible to get a euphoric high like the hydros with it unless it’s mainlined?

Comment by deviant1

I don’t know but raising a plant is very satisfying.

Comment by Dave

i have 200mg ms.cot pills but i dont know what to do with them.I’ve researched them and there the real thing but what do i do with them?

Comment by magic

Dope. Talking from a safety standpoint, shooting pills is never a good idea. All the binders and fillers will tear your veins up and cause a rack of other problems. Sure you can filter that crap out but its too much trouble if you ask me. The high is so much better too 🙂

Comment by JackDaBongRipper

Opiated I am really sorry I acted poorly when I felt desperate before, There are still 15 instances of my first name on this page (spelled: oh-tee-tee-oh). Is there any way you would be willing to remove them or alter them? For some reason even though you removed all references to my last name google still points to this page when someone enters my whole name and because my first name is unusual it’s clear to any onlookers what parts were me.

I know I’ve been a pain but this is really wreaking havoc on my nerves. I don’t want members of my family to be alienated from others because someone associates them with my past–it wouldn’t be fair. Thanks for your consideration of my request. Have a nice day, Dave

Comment by "Dave"

Have you considered including some social bookmarking links to these sites. At least for myspace.

Comment by site

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: