JUNKe Life


Random Journal Entry from July 30, 1995
June 7, 2006, 9:53 am
Filed under: JUNKe life

I was cleaning out the garage yesterday and came upon a moldy box full of old papers and journals.  Here is a randomly picked entry from over ten years ago.  

Not very regular journaling, however in glancing over these entries over the past three months, I notice that the length of the entries have certainly increased.  Virtually every entry is mobalized, motivated and energized by a shot (or two or three) in the arm of some kind of junk or stuff.  This entry is no exception.

Grabbed seven $20s this p.m. – bonus!  Four went for morphine peelers (a drug store went down a few days ago) and a couple more went for a so-called half of blow – three nausia producing hits, in fact I almost feel sick at the thought of having done that third hit.

Went into town for five hours this afternoon.  Used some manipulation around B's love addiction to get him wired into travelling in search of his object of obsession.  One phonecall prior to leaving the island and there was dope at my door a half hour after getting to town.  Did about 70mgs of morphine at 3:30pm.  It is now midnight – very good milage from those MS Contins, but they tend to give me a morph headache.

It sure would be nice to do a bit of good coke for a change.  It's been so long I can hardly recall a good buzz from coke.  Oh well, I'll never find satisfaction in drugs no matter how good the stuff occassionally might be.  As Dave at Kingswood said "It doesn't matter how much drugs I do, no amount will get me to a place of peace and happiness".  It's true, but I wouldn't turn down a couple keys of pure blow and a couple more of the highest grade junk, and give it a try (smile).  Silly drug fantasties.  The real trip with dope is a whole lot closer to purgatory than paradise. 

 needle in teeth

Some days I'm okay about no dope.  But it's scary how heavy and desperate the craving can come over me.  It's dangerous.  I find myself being driven to real whacko possibilites because I start to get so obsessive and frantic – like, fuck!, I just gotta get some shit!; like, got to get some shit! one way or another, and I will not be denied, no mater if it gets down to risk, good sense does not prevail, intense addiction does, grandious craziness.  It's fucking scary.  It's like I'm gonna do or die trying, I just don't give a shit, and that is a dangerous state of mind, and bad place to be.  And, despite any number of other places to be, I can't see but one way of escape, one way out, and that a fit full of shit.

I put my freedom at risk, start to risk my health, just a little it more as the self-esteem further tumbles and the single-minded pressure to get high come hell or high water tightens and drives me seeking with an absurd intensity.  Headlong and blind trampling wherever, searching rudely, generalized inconsiderateness, using whoever I can to get for me the hit I just gotta have.  Theft, manipulation, deception; whatever it takes, whatever will work, burn bridges, lose friends, make enemies, blow the long term for immediate sleeze.  Become a real bullshit player.

But hey, the next hit takes it all away.  Once I'm high I can look at myself with self-loathing, but I ain't bothered by in anymore, it don't hurt.  I don't feel corresponding emotional pain.  That I'm regarding myself as a piece of shit is devoid of feelings – it's just like a fact that I am shit, but so what?, shrug off the shoulders, hey, so what if I'm becoming a self-serving sleezeball?  As long as I'm high it's acceptable, there ain't no corresponding mental anguish and despair, I see myself, I sit in my shit, but I'm emotionally detached, I don't care. 

Took 20mg Valium about half hour ago.  Just two hits of blow in last two and a half hours.  Yeah, I'm ready for doing more, but not doing more, so I could just read and go to sleep, but the fucking needle freak I am, I'll probably cook up another 30mg of morphine that I really don't need right now at this late hour, but what can I say, I wanna put another poke into me.  I mean really, why not save it for tomorrow what I really don't need to use any more today?  But as much as it makes sense, I don't often do it the sensible way.  I use and I over-use just so I can keep using, running away after some increasingly non-existent rush and buzz.  On and on until I'm sick and messed up – even my junkie friends might tell me I don't need to do anymore, but I pay no heed.  I'm doing a number by myself.

syringe body 

 I might not be really feeling emotionally hurting from my self-loathing, but damn sure I'm gonna act it out – masocistic and more – self-abusing, self-battering, until I'm cross-eyed, sick, and incapably beat and burnt right out and pissed off and just about as lousy as can be and not be laying in a hospital or a cell.  Good ol' Mr. Binge persists until he's TKOed again.

Anyhow, just to prove a point, I think I'll do that 30mgs of morphine now (un-needed as it is) and then lay me down to read over and over again a page full of blurry sentences that I lose my place within in an overcooked state of semi-od (sort of self-poisoned) exhaustion, and incomprehension.  Eventually I'll drift off to sleep and have a couple of expensive narcoticized dreams – likely gray and undimentional – the cinema of my soul?

 Ah… we travel to some fucked up places – don't we?


15 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Yea it’s brutal ain’t it? How do you cook MS Contins? They turn to goo and an unpleasant itchy rush is all you’ll get from whatever you manage to coax into the syringe through the dreaded goo.
There’s a “Better MS Contin Injecting” page somewhere. Do a search it’ll help save a few veins I hope.
Peace
D

Comment by Dave

Someone sent me this receipe once:

I don’t use a filter for drawing up MS Contin. This is because the buff within Contins in not gritty. It all breaks down and is relatively beniegn, so it isn’t a problem is little amounts slip into the syringe when drawing it up. Just be careful to not draw up larger chunks as it has the tendency of plugging the needle when it cools off. As well, by not using a filter I get the maximum morphine content as I don’t have to worry about morphine getting trapped in the wax in the filter.

Here’s my method. I break down the MSContin as thoroughly as possible with a pistal/mortar routine using the bottom end of a small peeling knife (black hard rounded plastic end) in the spoon. It really breaks it down to light, fluffy power. Then I use the bottom end of the syringe’s plunger to break down even more finely the few little sand size balls that might remain.

Once it is the finest powder I can possible make, I add 135cc of water for a whole pill. I hold the spoon with watery mixture over an electric stove (or a candle) and watch as the powder melts into the water, shaking the spoon a bit so it all breaks down thoroughly. Once it is completely melted, I put the center of the spoon directly onto the stove’s element and a quick boil begins in the middle. The boil point creates a clear liquidy pocket right in the middle of the mixture which is where I put the needle point to do the drawing up into the syringe.

I put a clean needle right in the middle of the liquid pocket and draw up the just boiled liquid. I draw up slowly enough that a strong suction current is avoided, and thus none of the gunk within the spoon gets pulled up into the barrel. Gunk might start collecting around the tip
but very little actually goes inside it – only the very smallest of particles. Once all the liquid is drawn up, I withdraw the needle point from the spoon, and clean the end with a tissue, and clear any air bubbles from the syringe.

The syringe’s barrel might now be 60% full. I now add another 15cc of water into the spoon, and repeat the cooking. Again I draw up from boiled clear pocket of liquid and now the syringe might be 85% full.

I add about 15cc more of water, re-cook, and this last draw is very liquid. This is so that the liquid in the end of the syringe will easily start out of the needle as I’m shooting. I want that initial flow as I begin injecting so that
the remaining thicker mixture comes out easily from the needle and any little chunks can pass out and not plug it up.

Try not to get any solid undiluted chunks of the pill’s powder into the needle while drawing up the boiled liquid. By avoiding little chunks the mixture in the syringe will stay fine when it cools and not reform into little solid chunks that might block it from passing back out the needle tip. I sometimes will prepare several fixes in a row and they remain fine and liquidy in the syringe for hours. Remember, this is even when not using a filter as long as care is employed to slowly draw up the morphine mixture so as to avoid getting any gunk into the syringe.

If I have a pill and a half crushed up in the spoon, I’d initially use 150cc of water in the first cook. Two whole MS Contin pills would take 160cc of water in the first cook. Then, depending on how much liquid is drawn into the syringe on the first pull up, I determine how much more water to add into the spoon for the second cook. But its usually no more than 20cc of water needed to ensure the second cook is appropriately liquid. Usually after the second cook/pull up the syringe is filled right to the 100cc point – leaving just enough space to flag to determine I’m in a vein.

And by the way, often I’ll be using a 29 guage ultra-fine 100cc needle and they rarely plug. Of course, the larger, more common 28 guage needle is even less likely to plug. However, if there is a little wax plug right in the tip after you draw up the heated mixture, just a tap the needle point onto the hot stove element and the plug melts. You’ll always want to always check for any blockage by pushing up on the plunger until a little drop of the mixture appears at the tip of the needle. As long as a little drop appears in the tip of the needle when you apply a slight push on the plunger, you know the mixture is good and liquid. And therefore should easily flow out of the needle when you do your injection.

Comment by JUNKe

Hey man. Yea it seems to work with the Mallinckrodt generic greys. They sponge up nicely for recooks and you can tell by the taste of the goo whether you extracted the maxiumum in morphine. Might as well eat that goo, correct? Waste not, want not. Gimme a holler counselor, I have some Q’s for you. Damn junkies. Never know when we’re going to resurface eh? LOL

STAY WELL

Dave

Comment by Vegas Dave

And what about that damn pins and needles burn….add more water? I’m not sure if your/my calcs are correct but isnt 135cc a SHITLOAD of water? My insulin rigs only hold ½ cc.

Challah back…MAZELTOV!

-Dave

Comment by Vegas Dave

Yeah, sorry about the 135cc mistake … LOL

I use 1cc fits. So, that would be 1.35cc of water (essentially one full fit and a third more) for the first cook. Generally after its all pulled up, I need to add another .1cc of water (that’s 10 units?) and it will liquify the remaining gunk enough to fill the last bit of the fit with good liquidy stuff.

Comment by opiated

Cooking MS Contins

Found this on the web… obscure, but useful?

Comment by opiated

Yes that’s VERY helpful. My new adopted method of choice. But I use a mini butane torch to direct the heat where I want it….I’ll try the burner tho. Prolly easier to see the melt. *’tis time to stop cooking and start drawing up, when the chunks dissolved enough, ja?*

THANKS!
-D 7/21

Comment by Vegas Dave

PS have you noticed that injecting these extended release morphine [products] ALSO has an extended release effect in the bloodstream it seems [this possible?]-as opposed to say, hospital morphine shots, which like most opiate injections last about 3-4 hours before you start looking at the clock for the time to hit the nurse call button, LOL. I’ve noticed this anyway.

And talk about fortuitous, I just came across a roofie…yes, a genuine Roche™ 2mg Flunitrazpam peeler that was tucked away in the corner of my safe…and check this out, it’s been there for about 6 years; when I was raided by the cops they found our 2 z’s of coke but missed this little love nugget somehow. Ate half and I’m waiting for the fireworks…it’s been 15 mintues and nothing. Time to eat the other? Yea I think so. Wonder what the shelf life on these things is…uhhh… hmmm … aasdghfasasdgfdwe cm klnxaboucvv bhv ,gvaxz …………….. ………,vds;z .c .,mmmmkm woweeezum kjfb nasjfmmcmc

Comment by Vegas Dave

PS when I said “peeler” up there regarding the roofie I was talking about those single dose peel open blister packs. Sorry for the confusion.

As you were 🙂

PS PLEEEZ email me-you haven’t been responding
lately/at all; there’s a couple things I wanted to talk with you about!! Muy Importante!

aloha,
-D

Comment by Vegas Dave

Question… i also bang real oxycontin, the mean greens, but they are no where to be found and all there are around here is the ABG’s. Which gel up. My friends dad told me you can break them down in vinegar, but i dont really know if that works. There has got to be a way to bang these. Help please

Comment by Lauren

Yeah, i got ahold of some MS contin 15mg, (the mallys with a M and 15 on each side dark blue) when i went to add water it fucking turns to gel, was kinda unsure what the fuck that shit does to your veins, does it clog them in anyway? anyways i couldnt get any buzz off the cooked water maybe i was doing it wrong, i dont know, but id much rather bang straight dope, it seems cleaner for your plumbing

Comment by Jay

Lauren,
They say the ORAL bioavailability of oxycodone [and morphine in the sustained release form] is up to TWICE as potent in terms of peak blood serum levels than anything you’ll be able to get by cooking and firing into a vein. You may NOT get the rush but it WILL last longer. Think about it; that equates to a longer time ’til you start getting dopesick and need to dose again. I’ve decided that the rush from MS contin or oxy on a GOOD day isn’t worth it in the long run. Hence your best odds-on is to eat em.[YMMV, your mileage may vary, empty stomach of course]

The best IV exp I’ve had with MS pills was with the sublingual [or under the tongue] MS “barrels” which you can literally drop into a syringe, add warm water and shake. No filtering needed. THAT was a different and MUCH more pleasant rush than the pins & needles contins…but they’re almost impossible to find these days. By the way parenteral (hospitals’ made-for-IV morphine which is up to 10x as potent than any oral solution/form)

Now hydromorphone (Dilaudid) is almost tailor made for IVers. Easy to cook-don’t need much heat if at all [Knoll “K4″s…I’m not sure about Roxane™ dillies] THAT is one exquisite rush-mere words can’t describe it accurately.

Good luck and BE CAREFUL!

PS Rent “Drugstore Cowboy” sometime. Matt Dillon’s character, “Bob Hughes” [psuedonym for Wm. Burroughs, who also appears in the film] right after the opening [fixing up while he’s in the car on the way back from a score] narrative says it best.

Comment by sockpuppet pervert

yall motherfuckers need to get off the needle, clean the fuck up and do something productive with your lives besides telling people whats the best drug, telling em how to shoot up and whatnot. what the fuck is that shit about anyway? all i can tell yall is that ima pray for yall mufuckas and go bed, get something to eat and then take yalls addicted asses to REHAB!

Comment by jessica

Just got back from rehab. Mainly just went there for a bed to sleep in, to get to know all the other user, dealers and score me some good stuff to get my ass out that place, back home to shot up some Great mother fucking dope. Thanks for the suggestion last poster to get my ass into rehab.

By the way. I hope you choke on a sliver asshole

Comment by opiated

This site is not for stupid judgemental bitches, so step down and leave this forum for those of us who really benefit from the discussion, and little girl. if you havnt tried it, dont knock it, what do you guys think of KAPANOL 100mg?

Comment by Peter




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