Filed under: JUNKe life
About a month ago I did a methadone taper. Basically with 4 drinks of about 75 mgs each I was able to kick a 600mg morphine habit. But of course, I went a screwed it up and after 8 days of not using any morphine, I started doing a couple hits a day and by the time 4 days had past I had the old habit again. Somehow I could do those couple hits a day and figured I’d get away with it, event though I really knew I couldn’t. Bizarre how the mind plays tricks. But then again, I really didn’t care whether I got wired again…
Anyhow, it is criminal that junkies don’t have the option of a methadone taper from clinics or doctors. Instead they have to get onto a program which means years of doing methadone. But with a taper, its four drinks and you can actually endure the withdrawal from heroin or morphine or oxycontins with ease. It is the sure fire way to get off a habit quickly… the only draw back being it is so tempting to use again when the week of methadone-masked withdrawal is completed. Why? Because you’ve gone a week without shooting up and therefore you’ve “withdrawn” from the heroin/morphine, while the methadone covered over the withdrawal symptoms. Nevertheless, once the final dose of methadone wears off you do feel pretty bagged out and bummed out. What’s called “post acute withdrawal symptom”. It is just tempting to take the edge off with a fix or two… and well, you know how it goes.
Anyhow, I’ve got bills to pay and other things I want to do than spend every cent of my disposable income on dope. So that’s why I’m wanting to stop the daily use.
I’m going to keep track of this methadone taper. Background – for the past month I’ve been using 400-600 mgs of morphine daily – a minimum of 4 fixes per a day. Its been easy street and I still have a cabinet full of dope. But like I said, I don’t want to have to keep financing that cabinet full month after month.
Last night at 11 pm I did my last fix. This morning at 10 am I drank 80 mgs of morphine. But damn it, wouldn’t you know, I think this batch I bought off the street has been watered down. So maybe it was more like 40 mgs. Piss me off. Why do I think it might be watered down? Well, it just didn’t have that horrible tasting bite of chemical flavour. It just wasn’t strong tasting at all. Not like some previous batches that were definitely 100 mgs per bottle. Another reason is it wasn’t holding me like an 80 mg dose normally would. By 2 pm I was sweating and feeling like I definitely needed more dope. That wouldn’t be the case if I’d really had 80 mgs of methadone just 4 hours earlier.
So, I drank another 25 mgs at 6 pm. Making my total for the day at minimum 65 mgs or possible 105 mgs. Either way I would be getting sick as a dog without the methadone. As it is I don’t feel half bad. Maybe a quarter bad, but I can live with that.
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