One day I might try to describe the sensations that occur after I depress the plunger and send a few points of heroin coursing off into my vein, eventually to cross my blood-brain barrier and flood me with warmth, relief, even a pleasurable rush sometimes. I might try to include the overall feeling of anticipation and excitement, and the sense of reassurance when I first “get a taste”. Some day I might try to write that, but not today.
However, I’ve found someone who has. I’ve just now, for the first time, come upon the blog of a heroin user from Australia. In one of the posts, I read this blogger’s attempt to convey what heroin feels like. The Australian Heroin Diaries is Terry Wright’s blog. At said blog, Terry describes himself as follows:
I am a heroin addict. I am not homeless nor do I live in a crowded junkie house. I dwell in suburbia with my partner, two fluffy dogs and a cat. I have a mortgage, a car and go grocery shopping on Friday nights.
I don’t break into houses or sell drugs to survive but rather I design computer information systems. Yes I work and I am considered a professional.
I was on methadone but I am now on slow release oral morphine which usually keeps me from using heroin. I don’t smoke grass and rarely drink. I don’t gamble, commit adultery or break the law (well most laws)… but I sometimes resort to heroin.
In other words, Terry and I are fairly similar in terms of not being on the street living the so-called chaotic junkie lifestyle. I’d hazard a guess that Terry has his shit a bit more together than I do right now, and that he’s probably a decade or two younger than me. But by looking at his blog, a mixture of personal and political postings related to heroin and drug policy, it appears we’re somewhat similarly motivated in regard to what we’re trying to do with our blogging expressions; even though his blog is quite a lot more newsy whereas I’ve been trying for revelations of a more personal experiential nature.
Its interesting Terry tried to describe what heroin feels like. When I first started reading his post it seemed like he was a scientist who had experimented with heroin to have first-hand sensations, as if he was doing an experiment on himself. Then this line popped out at me – “I have just had half a gram of heroin” – and I thought, that can’t be a novice scientist speaking because a half gram would be a definite overdose. I thought to myself that either the writer is bull shitting us, that he pulled the half gram amount out of the air just because he thought it sounded like a nifty amount, and he doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about or that the writer must be a well-experienced heroin user with somewhat of a considerable habit. It turns out its the later, and of course, that’s why I will return to The Australian Heroin Diaries from time to time, to check out what Terry’s posting about.
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